Scones

Lo how capricious the human heart! How weak the foundations of moral fibre!

That night I dreamt of England's mild and pleasant shores, of blues skies and country hedges that do not seek to suck out your blood. I dreamt of Elizabeth, the vicar's daughter and of afternoon tea on the Downs. She poured cream upon my scones but then the phantasmagoria changed complexion. The cream jug grew long and possessed of an elegant curve. Somehow the jug became part of my body. Then I felt the chin whiskers upon my scrotum and I realised that cheeky fellow had stolen upon me in my sleep once again.

From Professor Mancheeks' Alamanac of the Astonishing.

Dr Yan and Companion

"He never let me forget the precarious circumstances of our first meeting. I had misheard the introduction as “Dr Jan and his manservant” and had presumed that the Swede was the gentleman of letters and the oriental his man. His sneer could be measured on the metric scale.

How they arrived on Venus' shores I did not know but the pair had done their level best to thwart my ambitions ever since.

If the Swede did indeed have a name, perhaps it was only one that the doctor whispered to him in the dead of night."

From Professor Mancheeks' Alamanac of the Amazing

Professor Hugo Mancheeks

"I tire of this diabolical world. It's oppressive humidity weighs heavily upon one's morale. But it is a chap's wardrobe that suffers the most iniquity. Only the silk of my tie resists the acrid mists and rotting heat. Even the stalwart tweed yielded in the end, suffering torments of weather and the deprecations of wild beasts. Not to mention a certain fellow who delights in purloining my clothing when I bathe. If a fellow cannot preserve his modesty he can at least bolster his dignity with thoughts of the scientific progress being made here with the assistance of my calculation engine. I will forward some cylinders of native customs to the Royal Society's exotic nudity committee."

From Professor Mancheeks Almanac of the Impossible.